I walked 5.028 miles today. My goal each day is to walk at least 4+. Why 4+? Because that’s what Leslie Sansone told me to do. Here she is.

On the off chance Leslie Sansone ever reads this I want to apologize because I’ve screamed some truly awful things at her for an hour a day three times this week. I mean really awful things, things wouldn’t say around your grandmother.

Why have I done this? She’s chipper and cheerful and upbeat and encouraging and I’m…well, if the vampires from Twilight weren’t such raging douche bag sissies I’d move to Forks, put up curtains, and spend my days being a Gloomy Gus or a Dismal Dora. I hate chipper, cheerful, upbeat, and especially encouraging people. You know when I hate them the most? When I’m sweating my balls off and kicking my computer desk because I don’t have room in my tiny midget house to work out.

Now that that’s out of the way I aim for 4+ because the workout is 4miles. It’s actually the Express 4 Mile Super Challenge. See, even the name inspired a hulk like rage that  only donuts can quell, I can’t have donuts so I’ll simply have to live with the anguish. Anyway, the workout is four miles and if I get 4+ miles on my pedometer (Free with a jumbo bottle of Aleve) that means that I’m doing better than the people on the dvd, even better than the incredibly buff and sexy black chick which is great because one day I hope to be an incredibly buff and sexy black chick.

Always reach for the stars.

My 5.028 miles translates to a whopping 24 activity points. Maybe that’s why I’m always so hungry?


~ by What Adam Ate. on July 6, 2010.

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